Preparing for Sunday Worship

Having been a Pastor’s wife now for 10 years and having 5 children along the way, I have developed through trial and error tips that have worked and better prepared us for a day of worship. I hope you find them helpful. However, you are the queen of your home! Remember that things that work in my household may need to be adjusted for yours. I can only encourage you by sharing how God’s grace helped me through difficult days of seminary and being a Pastor’s wife. I have not put this together to launch a new book, but I have put this together for you, my friends, that I may bless and encourage you as I have been encouraged in the Lord.

Prayer and Preparation for the Pastor:
First and foremost, begin by praying for your husband and for his upcoming week. We have a church calendar and I will look at it and pray for the upcoming events and for the next Sunday that all would come into the house of the Lord to worship with a spirit of unity. Pray diligently for your husband. Pray for him every Sunday morning that the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit would come upon him and use him as a vessel to deliver God’s Word. I normally stay very close to him before church and during Sunday School. I try to be the go between for those that may come up and try to distract his mind before he is to preach. I normally stay in the office with him during Sunday School because it seems this is the time when women will try to approach him alone. Trust me, after they see that you are in the office with him during this time, they will stop. My go-between method is that I carry a small 5 x 7 notebook and normally already have it turned to a blank page. I keep a pen handy. When someone approaches him with a problem, I graciously write it down and tell them, “thank you for letting us know and I will make sure that the message is relayed to the right committee or person, etc.” Also, if they have a prayer request, I write it down and tell them, “thank you for letting us know, I will make sure it is added to the prayer list and Bro. Greg will check on them this week….” Bro. Greg likes to walk around and welcome our congregation but there always seems to be that one or two that wants to take him off into some corner to distract him from his message and from welcoming --- that is who we are to shield them from. On Monday mornings, I email our church secretary and inform her of any questions, prayer requests, or things that came up. (Just go down your notebook…) The notebook method works good for me because, I had so many people coming up with different things and then visitor names to remember that I have to utilize it because you just can’t remember it all.

Also, it is important to attend Sunday School if you are able, however, we found it best to use Sunday School time to do the microphone check with our sound guy and spend that time in prayer and then be in the sanctuary ready to welcome and begin. There will be those that will look down on you for missing Sunday School but stay strong and realize that on Sundays you are there to serve your husband and if that means helping to get the lint off his suit, finding his mints, helping him get ready for baptism, praying for him, running defense or welcoming a visitor then that is more important.

Greg and I know of several Pastors who go to the church on Sunday mornings like at 7:00 am and review their sermon, spend time in prayer and turn the lights on. However, we feel like it is more important for us to go to church as a family. Our kids deserve to have their dad walk them to their Sunday School class and to have that memory of the family “going together” and “sitting together” when possible. I have been asked on several occasions to join our church choir; there will be a time for that but that time is not now. I want my children to remember sitting with their parents on Sunday mornings and us going to worship together. If your husband feels like he needs to go prior to worship to study/pray, Bro. Greg normally goes on Saturday nights while I am doing baths, working on the clothes, preparing Sunday lunch, and he will pray and practice his sermon prior to Sunday morning. He then goes to bed by 9:00 pm so he is fresh and ready for the next day.

Prepare YOUR Heart
We as wives need to prepare our hearts for what Satan may attack us with as the weaker vessel. He would love for us to get all riled up about something and go straight to the Pastor on Sunday morning and thus the distraction has been set prior to worship. Pray that the Lord would help you as you react to people, situations, comments, etc. I remember in SWI, Mrs. Mohler, saying to be prepared to answer whatever question you think may arise. I have practiced this and this method is most effective. Whenever we have been in sticky situations, (when a member may not have been a happy camper) I have asked Bro. Greg, what should I say or not say. I just try to keep a smile on my face and not respond to anything. Do not say anything that could be hurtful to your husband’s ministry. I have also learned to just say, “well, we will just have to pray about it” or “let’s stop and pray right now about it” and that normally stops the questions. Always know what the schedule is for the day. If you are able to, review the bulletin before Sunday morning so there is no surprises.

Be prepared to stand alone. I love our church and we have a wonderful body of believers but sometimes I feel so lonely. I think all Pastor Wives have this feeling because we can’t just be “normal” at church. We have to be diligent to guard our every expression, reaction, and words that we speak – understand my heart, I’m not saying we are to be fake, but we are to be careful. Be an encourager when you go to church, especially to the older people, some of them may be lonely as well and just long to have someone to talk to or to give them a hug.
Spend in prayer with the Lord over your ministry at church as the Pastor’s wife. Ask Him to give you discernment as to what the platform for your ministry needs to be. Wait on Him for wisdom.

Prepare YOUR Children
Ministry is hard on our kids. We need to remember that they are in a learning process as well. We can help them along by telling them exactly what they can expect and how they need to respond/obey before they even get to church. Pray with them that they will love going to church and have a heart for ministry. Practice having church at home. We have done this many times. We have practiced having the Lord’s Supper, how to pass the offering plate, how they should sit when the Children’s Sermon is going on, how to shake hands, how to NOT overload their plate at the church fellowship, etc. If you have have youth age children, work with them on how to respond to other youth. We have had countless conversations with Leah regarding what is appropriate and what is not. We have even advised her on how to respond when other youth are not as kind. Just remember, we are commanded to teach them in the way that they should go and this includes how they should “BE” at church. Also, be careful not to push them to the side at church. While, yes, we are the Pastor’s wife and suppose to talk to everyone and encourage whomever, we need to remember our calling to be a wife and mother is first. We need to serve our husbands on Sunday by serving our children and helping them to have good memories of going to church with mom and dad.

Prepare YOUR Home

Living in a house of seven people, this is the hardest for me. We need to strive to be that Proverbs 31 Woman and be totally organized and efficient. However, that is often easier said than done. My focus that I am encouraging on is only for the weekend prior to worship so this is what I try to do. I try to have all the washing and folding done by Friday so everything is ready for the weekend. I also try to have all the shopping done by Friday so we can have a relaxing Saturday as a family without all the busyness of having to run around. Bro. Greg loves to cook pancakes for the kids on Saturday mornings and then after that he normally plays with them for a little while and then late afternoon he will head over to the church for prayer/practice and in bed by 9 pm. In the meantime, I normally work on making sausage balls for Sunday morning breakfast and lunch and getting things together while the kids are playing.

I also want to take a few minutes to encourage you as a Proverbs 31 Woman to be frugile. Get on the coupon craze if you are not already there. The web site www.couponmom.com is awesome. You can also buy food through the Angel Food Ministries program (www.angelfoodministries.com) which enables you to buy in bulk and get food for the month. By saving money on groceries with coupons or buying in bulk we are essentially giving ourselves an income!

Also, keep your home clear of clutter. This will help you to be able to relax more as a stay at home mom if you are not perplexing over the clutter in your home. Do the best you can to have your house picked up and presentable. You never know when the Lord may lay it on your heart to invite a guest over for lunch and we should always be ready for guests. Plus, you will have a more relaxing afternoon if you come home from church on Sundays and your house in clean and refreshing.

Prepare YOUR Clothes
On Friday, begin to think about what each person will wear to church. Make sure it is clean, ironed, socks have mates and shoes are in the right location. We have spent 30 minutes at times just looking for one shoe. Get your kids to help you on Friday night or Saturday morning find their clothes and shoes for church. Make a big deal out of it and get them excited about preparing and getting ready for worship. Think through not only Sunday morning clothes but also Sunday night. If you are going over to someone’s house after church, you may want to pack a set of clothes to change into or to have as a back up when kids spill their drink. My motto is to just always be prepared.

Prepare YOUR Sunday Morning Breakfast
Now we have been laughed at over this one. We are the house that on Sunday mornings has pancakes or waffles with no syrup. Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches with no jelly. Chocolate milk with no chocolate and cereal with no milk. It’s all about serving breakfast that is fulfilling, quick and easy with no mess. You do not want to come home from church with a kitchen that has been destroyed just over breakfast. So, I sought to come up with breakfast ideas that were non-messy but fulfilling. Our family favorite is either cheese toast or sausage balls. Sausage balls are great because the kids just eat them on a napkin, drink some milk and they are ready to go. Bro. Greg’s favorite is to eat the sausage balls or just plain block cheese with microwavable bacon. He then eats peanut butter in the hallway right before he preaches. This is totally something that you will need to determine but keep it quick, easy, fulfilling and non-messy so your kitchen will still be intact when you come home for lunch. (For my sausage balls, I use Paula Dean’s recipe which you can find online. One trick that I do is to cook the sausage just barely, just enough to warm it so that the cheese will adhere to it and melt just a little bit before I add the bisquick—it really makes a difference and is great!)

Prepare YOUR Sunday Lunch/Afternoon
With us being such a large family, we have found it more economical and less stressful to have our Sunday lunch at home. What has worked best for me is to utilize my crock pot and keep it simple. It is very comforting for me to know that as Bro. Greg is in the pulpit preaching and serving the Lord, I have a warm meal waiting on him at home. Our schedule is normally, out of church by 12:00, eating by 1:00 pm, naps by 2:00 and then Discipleship Training by 5:00 pm and Evening Worship at 6:00 pm. Some Sundays, Bro. Greg will have a Church Council meeting at 4:00 pm and then a Deacons Meeting at 7:00 pm so the whole day is booked. So time is of the essence on Sundays and that is why I strive to make it very relaxing and planned, in order that he will have time to rest in between. Some of my Sunday favorites is: Hamburger Steaks, Pork Chops with Rice, Lasagna, Barbeque Chicken, Pot Roast, Taco Soup, Potato Cheese Soup, Mom’s Spaghetti, Brownies a la mode, Apple Pie, Mom’s Lemon Pie, Coconut Cake, Jell-O Pudding Cups (put whip cream on top, add a cherry and you have desert!) See my recipes at the end of this note! I also do not worry about cleaning up the crock pot until Monday morning. I just put the lid back on it, turn it off and forget about it.

Prepare YOUR Sunday Night
Sunday night time is my time with my husband and I guard it very dearly! We may occasionally go to Wendy’s or to the DQ with the Youth Group along with their parents for fellowship but mostly we come home. We are exhausted after a long day of worship and I cherish this time because I have “the Pastor” all to myself. Often, he may have a meeting after church, but I bring the kids home and will start feeding them supper and then off to baths and bed they go. We then have our date night. We will often grill steaks, toss a salad, or he may just want his favorite cereal with cheese toast but we make it special for us and we then retreat to the living room to watch a movie together or just Andy Griffith. This is your time to relax together and recoup/regroup from a day of ministry. Cherish it and try not to let “the talk of the day” steal it from you.

Prepare for YOUR Mission Field
You may question me on this one by assuring me you are not on the mission field. Your husband Pastor’s a church within the United States and you are not overseas. However, I want to confront you and tell you that yes, you are on a mission field. Your location wherever God has planted you to serve as a Pastor’s wife is a mission field.

Example #1 - I never will forget when we served at a church in Indiana, I walked into the church nursery with Emma who was four weeks old. A lady came in and asked me, “where was the plug?” I looked around the room for an electrical outlet….I then asked her, why do you need a plug? She then said, “for the baby?” I soon realized she meant the pacifier.

Example #2 – That same day, after church everyone was talking about going out to the shelter to eat lunch. I looked around at my kids who were 8, 4, 2, 2, and 4 weeks old in a panic because I didn’t want to go eat at a shelter with them. Keep in my mind, I am thinking a homeless shelter or a women’s shelter but needless to say I soon found out they meant their covered pavilion to the side of the church.

Example #3 – Our entire church in Western Kentucky was tobacco farmers. I had a very well known lady question me about us serving there because it would be very difficult to preach to those who farmed tobacco……okay why? Do they not need Jesus too? We are to meet them in life where they are, plant seeds, cultivate and trust that the Lord will bring in the sheaves.

We need to realize that wherever we are, we will be faced with differences within our culture. As a Pastor’s wife in Western Kentucky, I lived in a farmhouse with 4 kids at the time and was just as lonely and isolated as if I had been in Siberia. I remember looking out the kitchen window at a sea of snow that went forever and all I could see was one lone dog trotting along. I was weighed down with sadness and just longing for encouragement. We were working our heart out for a church with merely 60 members but the problem was that my heart was not in it. You must see your ministry wherever you are as a mission field. Pray that the Lord will you send you out in the fields of whatever city you are in to labor and to reap the harvest. I am currently serving in a church where I am about only one of three ladies in the church that is a stay at home mom. So, I am having to draw on my experience from when I worked in the corporate world 15 years ago and find ways to encourage them. I have so many experiences and I could continue on forever but deep down my heart wants you to realize that God’s grace is sufficient for you and He is ready to encourage you and hold you up wherever you are. No matter where you are ----you are on a mission field and we must be mission minded.

Prepare for YOUR Unexpected

Finally, I want to share with you how God has been working in my life for the past year. One year ago, on the weekend of September 21, 2008, I went through my process of preparing for Sunday worship. I noticed that morning that Bro. Greg seemed to be struggling with getting ready. I continued getting all the kids together and would prod him along in the process. We then went to church. After we placed our children in their Sunday School class rooms, we were walking back over from our Family Life Center to the church building. He was moving rather slowly. I asked him if he was okay and he stated his head was hurting. I told him, “well, let’s just get to your office and I will give you a Tylenol”. However, we never made it to the office. We opened the back door of the church, I passed the library and proceeded up the steps thinking he was directly behind me. I turned around to find him standing in a trance. I returned to him and before I realized it he fell forward on me into a petit grand mal seizure. He seized for what seemed like forever. I suddenly found myself immersed into a situation that I had not been prepared for. I was surrounded by church members trying to help, panic over their faces, placed into the back of an ambulance with 400 people standing in a church parking lot watching every move that I made. I handed the keys to our home to someone that I barely knew and asked them to take our children back to the house until our family could come for them (looking back at this, I am so thankful my home was prepared and cleaned because later I found out that 10+ people went to our home to wait with our children). In my mind, as we were making our way to UAB, I found myself in a conversation with God inside my head. I was arguing with Him over the why and how could this be, what purpose could he have in this and pandemonium sat in for the next few hours. Greg’s parents met me at the ER and after Greg was settled, I then had to go out into a waiting room filled with 60 people who had followed the ambulance from the church. All I could think was that SWI had not told us what to do when your husband falls apart nor did Dorothy Kelly Patterson’s Handbook for Ministers Wives. The next few months were somewhat of a blur as Bro. Greg slowly recovered and even endured a second episode at home on a Wednesday night. I joked with him and told him that one day, I was going to write a book on anxiety because that is what I now felt every Sunday. I avoided the back door of the church because it was a constant reminder to me of the place where he fell. I have slept on the couch many nights because of my own anxiety and watching his every move for fear that it was going to happen again. I have cried myself to sleep many nights as I have relived that Sunday morning over and over in my mind too many times. I have been the sole driver for six months due to the seizure. I have worried about if our church would still have compassion for their Pastor despite his pain. For me to tell you that I have overcome all of this anxiety would be a lie but I can tell you that God mercies are new every morning. I have found that hymns that I learned as a child has different meanings to me now. I truly can say that “day by day and with each passing moment, strength I find within His Holy Word” is so true. I can assure you that “no one else has ever cared for me like Jesus”. And most assuredly, “his eye is on this sparrow and I know that he watches over me”.

I urge you to be prepared for the unexpected by just being open to what God wants for your life. Being a great Pastor’s wife is not just about leading awesome women’s ministry events or having others say that you are the epitome of the best women’s Bible study leader…… it is about being the Pastor’s wife in the home first and from that all else will flow. I’m still praying for discernment and comfort in the events of this past year but my encouragement for you is to be there for your husband. If he is feeling overwhelmed and stressed, make sure he is getting enough sleep. Choose your words carefully and pick your battles at church. Protect him when you can and love him when he is tired by helping him to rest. I’ve seen my husband carry the burdens of all the congregants and rush to their side when needed. Sometimes, we as the Pastor’s wives must be prepared to rush to his side and carry on his ministry when he is the one sick and not able. We must extol the perseverance of the saints, press on and be given to hospitality.

May God bless you in your ministry as a Pastor’s wife and may you be encouraged today to not be idle but to seek to be the Pastor’s wife who is prepared.

Love You, Paula Hyche